life between choirs

Since I was four years old I have been a part of at least one choir. I started in Cherub choir at my family's church and then the Youth and Adult choirs until I graduated from high school. During high school, I sang in the school choirs and small ensemble as well as the Madison Children's Choirs (now the Madison Youth Choirs) and participated in state WSMA choirs and music camps. Throughout my undergrad at UWM, I sang in either Women's Chorus or Concert Chorale. Bookending my undergrad, in my first and fifth years, I sang in the Milwaukee Symphony Chorus. So now it feels strange that I am not in a choir and to have no immediate plans to join one.

I would like to join a choir at the U of Illinois, but I have a couple apprehensions about auditioning. First, I do not know how much time being a grad student and TA will take up, and until I embark upon and balance this unknown, I cannot figure in more events. Second, I do not want to be tied up over holiday vacations or on weekends with perforances when I could potentially be visiting my finace in Milwaukee; so I'm choosing romance over choir. I will eventually return to my first love, and hopefully soon, but not now in this transitionary period of life.

What I need is musical activity on my own terms. I thought about getting back into oboe, and actually tried for a couple weeks, only to recall why I couldn't commit to serious study. Whatever I persue, I cannot dabble in it like some hobbiest; no, I do it because I am a musician and a scholar. (Yes, mock me, if you wish.)

What I really want to do is resume voice lessons and practice piano on my own time. This necessitates finding a teacher in IL, but I'll work on that after a month of grad studies, during the final week of September. By then I will be into a routine, know more about the music department, and have an idea of repertoire for lessons.

After all, musicologists should not be limited to writing on music as their sole medium for musicing. Besides, this is merely emoting, and not musicing at all, but it is necessary; perhaps not necessary for publishing on the web, but for personal processing and bravely (or foolishly) baring thoughts.

an emotional countdown to grad school

In one month I am starting my masters in musicology at the University of Illinois, Urbana-Champaign and although I have been working toward this moment for over two undergrad-years, it seems surreal. I'm eager, anxious, excited and nervous: my life is centered around a giant to-do list, concerning address changes and registration, but I know once I make it through the tedium of paperwork that I will finally be doing what I have wanted for so long. Only four more weeks of planning, packing, and "work," but only four weeks left in Milwaukee.

Leaving Milwaukee will be the hardest part, emotionally. In the past five years I enjoyed concerts, easy access to Chicago, summer festival, and gotten engaged. I am moving to Urbana, which is a college town, surrounded by cornfield, 4 and a half hours south of my fiance. Anything worth doing has a cost though, and at least I will be around people who also know this.

Aside from the inner-turmoil of leaving Wisconsin, I am ready. I have never TA'ed, but I that will be explained in orientation sessions and learned as the semester progresses. I am ready to be "introduced" to musicology and to live in the library. It's been months since I've written a term paper, but I can at the very least, purge my anxieties over writer's block here, and hopefully process new ideas from seminars. I am ready!